Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Strange Dream
You send me a card. It's made of old discolored paper that has dry flowers and leaves stuck all over it like a criss-crossing cage of forbidden dreams. And then insects begin to crawl out of it. I scream and throw the card away as a rare brown grasshopper, a golden scarab beetle, and another strange beautiful insect come out. Then a black and red insect flies up like a magical helicopter. I hope it would hit the fan and die .. by now I hate you for sending me these little monstrosities when you know fully well that I'm frightened to death about them. And then I begin to love those very insects.. after all they are a gift from you. They must mean a lot to you.. yet you shared them with me. I ask my husband to collect them and put them in a box. He does it real quick because the insects are crawling into some hiding spaces. And then I find a gift package with the card. A satin collar in pastel pink, shaped like a huge delicate rose. A cuff in a similar fashion. As I wear these, they morph into a red and purple dress with a hat. I look stunning in it. I curse myself for suspecting your love but my husband is not very pleased about this whole turn of events. I pleadingly look to him for approval and the dream ends.
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Saturday, April 02, 2011
pining away
Do you still dream about me? Am I so bad I don't even deserve a dream with you. I try so hard to love him but he doesn't need me any more. Nobody ever needed me as much as you did at one point. Can you think of me and smile like you used to? Even for a second. That should suffice. Will you give me a handful of dreams in this parched desert that is life? There is nothing else to live for anyway. I love you like I always do. Rajesh.
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Sunday, January 30, 2011
Miss you
The only time I don't know why I'm crying is when crying for you.
Bloody fool... how dare you ask me who...
You know you're the only thing that reaches deep enough to break my heart.
Now, sssshhh....just hold my hand and sit here quietly as I cry over you.
P.S. Your palm feels warm.
Bloody fool... how dare you ask me who...
You know you're the only thing that reaches deep enough to break my heart.
Now, sssshhh....just hold my hand and sit here quietly as I cry over you.
P.S. Your palm feels warm.
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Friday, January 14, 2011
The Ending
I started out by picturing that moment when I first saw you from behind those bookshelves. I wanted to evaporate into the air after getting a glimpse of you. You were real. With that dark hair and those lips. You know I love your shoulders and your grip. I wanted you .. all of you.. in that single moment but I was not sure if I was worth it.
I should have kissed those lips that haunt my memory. What lovely juicy lips you have! And the words they utter always go directly to the deepest part of my soul. I'm a fool to have let you go.
And I remember how manly you felt right next to me. Your curious yet fearful advances. How you held me tight for a second or two and how I can never forget how that feels.
I orgasm just thinking about your lips but then I explode into tears. Tears of helplessness. But there is a joy in weeping for you.
I'm made for you. So it's only fair I shed tears for you. Come do to me all those things you promised. Take me to the crescendo of that ecstasy you and I are capable of imagining and then even death would lose its significance forever.
I love you, you sweet villain because the real woman in me will never be made known to the rest of this world.
I should have kissed those lips that haunt my memory. What lovely juicy lips you have! And the words they utter always go directly to the deepest part of my soul. I'm a fool to have let you go.
And I remember how manly you felt right next to me. Your curious yet fearful advances. How you held me tight for a second or two and how I can never forget how that feels.
I orgasm just thinking about your lips but then I explode into tears. Tears of helplessness. But there is a joy in weeping for you.
I'm made for you. So it's only fair I shed tears for you. Come do to me all those things you promised. Take me to the crescendo of that ecstasy you and I are capable of imagining and then even death would lose its significance forever.
I love you, you sweet villain because the real woman in me will never be made known to the rest of this world.
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Thursday, January 13, 2011
Believe you
But believe in me baby and
I'll take you away
From out of this darkness and into the day
From these rivers of headlights these rivers of rain
From the anger that lives on the streets with these names
'cos I've run every red light on memory lane
I've seen desperation explode into flames
And I don't want to see it again. . . From all of these signs saying sorry but we're closed
All the way down the telegraph road.
I'll take you away
From out of this darkness and into the day
From these rivers of headlights these rivers of rain
From the anger that lives on the streets with these names
'cos I've run every red light on memory lane
I've seen desperation explode into flames
And I don't want to see it again. . . From all of these signs saying sorry but we're closed
All the way down the telegraph road.
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Wednesday, January 12, 2011
About Us
Is it wrong to love someone because you don't possess him?
Is love about possessing someone?
Can we not love a sunset and its freedom and wish to kiss it and hold it close?
I love you today. And I cannot stop myself because I belong to someone else. My soul remembers the warmth you gave me and it still dreams about you. I had a dream that you proposed marriage to me and till the end of the dream I was indifferent to the thought. My mind is trying to cope with my love for you. I don't want to possess you. I was never in love with your body because I have not even seen it. The faded memories hardly help solidify anything physical.
I love your being. The construct called you that fitted so well into my world. There was not a single jarring note when you entered my world. You flowed smoothly into every nook and cranny and filled me up. I have cried many a night for you back then and even now. I don't know if you knew. I sometimes think I let you go so easily but what could I do? I was immature. I also never imagined it would end. I was too caught up in the fantasy to remember that it could end. End it did. And how!
You decided to leave many things unsaid. Many things untouched and undone. Maybe you lived very much in the real world while pretending to appreciate my world. But mine was not a facade. It was me. And the only person who knew me was you.
Why you matter so much I don't know. And will I be able to reconstruct everything the way it was? I don't think so. Why am I stuck in an era? I am not sure. Maybe it's my obsession with perfection. You are perfect. That's why!
You know what? I think nobody will ever have the patience or persistence to get to know you the way I did. And I consider myself lucky. You throw pieces of you around for everyone to grab but nobody delved in you like I did. You are my passion and you make me what I am. You have restructured every aspect of my mental and emotional behavior. You have etched my psyche with so many things that would never go away till I die.
You are my Aleph and my Zahir. You are what I know as love and there is no love outside of it. There is no definition of love outside of you and no guilt or blame or regret outside of you. You are me and I am you. There is no division. Nothing to distort the identity and split it from ours. We belong inside of us and don't exist outside of us. And we cannot feel pain this way. There is no feeling of loss in this completeness. There is only silence and a world of it.
Is love about possessing someone?
Can we not love a sunset and its freedom and wish to kiss it and hold it close?
I love you today. And I cannot stop myself because I belong to someone else. My soul remembers the warmth you gave me and it still dreams about you. I had a dream that you proposed marriage to me and till the end of the dream I was indifferent to the thought. My mind is trying to cope with my love for you. I don't want to possess you. I was never in love with your body because I have not even seen it. The faded memories hardly help solidify anything physical.
I love your being. The construct called you that fitted so well into my world. There was not a single jarring note when you entered my world. You flowed smoothly into every nook and cranny and filled me up. I have cried many a night for you back then and even now. I don't know if you knew. I sometimes think I let you go so easily but what could I do? I was immature. I also never imagined it would end. I was too caught up in the fantasy to remember that it could end. End it did. And how!
You decided to leave many things unsaid. Many things untouched and undone. Maybe you lived very much in the real world while pretending to appreciate my world. But mine was not a facade. It was me. And the only person who knew me was you.
Why you matter so much I don't know. And will I be able to reconstruct everything the way it was? I don't think so. Why am I stuck in an era? I am not sure. Maybe it's my obsession with perfection. You are perfect. That's why!
You know what? I think nobody will ever have the patience or persistence to get to know you the way I did. And I consider myself lucky. You throw pieces of you around for everyone to grab but nobody delved in you like I did. You are my passion and you make me what I am. You have restructured every aspect of my mental and emotional behavior. You have etched my psyche with so many things that would never go away till I die.
You are my Aleph and my Zahir. You are what I know as love and there is no love outside of it. There is no definition of love outside of you and no guilt or blame or regret outside of you. You are me and I am you. There is no division. Nothing to distort the identity and split it from ours. We belong inside of us and don't exist outside of us. And we cannot feel pain this way. There is no feeling of loss in this completeness. There is only silence and a world of it.
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